The Myth of Conformism

I really enjoy people. Everything about them really. The uniqueness of each individual especially. For as much as we're told that everyone wants to be the same and that we live in a society that encourages assimilation and conformity, people are still vastly different. Maybe it's just that we don't make our differences public knowledge as much, so it seems like everyone is or wants to be the same.

Maybe it's the group dynamic that exists more prevalently today. All the insecurities we develop early in our youth possibly steers us toward quickly finding safety in community. There certainly isn't anything wrong with this, but these groups tend to develop identities of their own. From the outside looking in, maybe it appears that everyone in a particular group is the same and thus we think they are being conformists or clique-ish.

I find it fascinating how different people act and talk when they are taken away from that group dynamic. When it's just one-on-one. That is when the differences in people come out. That is when the story of a person begins to bubble to the surface and their true personality begins to show. I think I'm more of a one-on-one kind of guy when it comes to my friendships and relationships. Things just seem more genuine that way. There's no reason to put up any walls or play to any preconceptions or expectations. I've made almost all of my very close friends that way.

Here's the thing though: I often only give people credit for who they are in relation to their group dynamic. I pigeon-hole them, not intentionally mind you, but subconsciously everyone I come into contact with gets a tag; and I am willing to shamefully admit that about nine out of ten of those tags are unfairly attributed and in many cases I'm sure are drastically inaccurate. "Yeah I know that person from work, but I'm sure they wouldn't want me prying into their personal life by asking them how they're kids are doing." "Yeah I know my law school friend seems upset, but I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it, I mean we aren't that close." These types of thoughts run through my mind constantly.

I compartmentalize my relationships into these starkly seperate phases of my life: those are my church friends, those are my high school friends, those are my law school friends, those are my work friends, etc. And in the midst of the seperation I only get to really know a precious few of them because I'm scared to breach this threshold of superficiality that I have created by talking about nothing but sports and politics everytime I see them because those are the safe subjects. No one really gets to know me if I stick to those things.

The sad thing about it is that I really care about every person in those circles. Each one of them is a quirky part of my story. But you know what, I would probably care infinitely more about them if I got to know them beyond their thoughts on the football game and Senate races. And even more importantly, do they know that I care about them? If our entire friendship is based on surface issues that we tether back and forth so we don't ever look deeper, how could they know that if they ever needed help that I would be there for them? That if they ever needed someone to listen to them I would buy the drinks? That if they just needed someone to sit there so they wouldn't be alone I would gladly make the drive?

I take these people for granted really. Usually I'm too proud to ask others for help when I'm in those spots. I get this idea that everyone else has it all together and I'm the one who needs to figure out why I'm so different. Like everyone else doesn't have their own story of things they deal with and situations they've overcome. Everyone is walking around with a story--as cheesy as it may sound. Maybe they have a need that I can meet somehow if I just asked some real questions. Chances are though, I would probably benefit just as much if not more from the exchange.

I could be way off. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way and everyone who is reading this will be really uncomfortable around me from now on knowing that I could possibly be thinking about how they are really doing and not just making small-talk. But something tells me that there are others who feel this way. I think there are others out there who are tired of walking around with heavy hearts and want someone they can be honest with who isn't going to pressure or judge but will be real with them. Maybe it's really big issues, or maybe it's just a small favor you can do for a friend. The small things are the things that are life changing. It's risky, but maybe the best first step to getting there starts with asking simple, substantive questions and taking friends out of the boxes we put them in, recognizing that they have stories, too, outside of the way we characterize them. That extra step might change the whole way we relate to people--as individuals.

Back In The Saddle

A quarter of a year has roughly passed since I last posted. Much has happened since then, some good some bad. Hopefully growth, hopefully progress. I am for sure older, and possibly wiser, maybe just more weathered. In any event, I'm something. Something different than I was three seemingly infinite months ago. Excuses? Sure I've got a whole quiver of them: there's law school, family, church, fantasy football (I'm 8-1 in my important league by the way)--but mostly law school. And it is true that my mind certainly has been flooded with questions about liability, defeasibility, and enforceability in my studies so that more expansive questions like where my life has been, is going, will go and what happens to me as I get there have been crowded out. But instead of complaining about being worn out and overloaded while I kick back and watch one of my seven weekly television shows on DVR, it's about time I return myself to this therapeutic practice of processing the more important things in life -- which is really where I want to start from here...

Twenty-two Thoughts...

I need a switch-up here. I feel like the blog has been doing some heavy lifting for a while and now I think a nice, cool swim in a pool of frivolity is in order. Here are some random thoughts from a twenty-two year old bystander:

1. Coffee has become the acquired taste that serves as a sort of right-of-passage into the adult world.

2. Seinfeld is the best show to ever be on television--its inarguable.

3. Internet communication has made it harder to get a date rather than easier (I may further explain my theory on this at a later time).

4. I consider myself a sports moderate, not entirely a purist and not entirely an entertainment junkie, but if I had to pick just one for some reason, I would go conservative.

5. Old Navy now sells clothes cheaper than Goodwill.

6. Classic American fiction is so much better than contemporary American fiction, but contemporary American non-fiction is substantially better than classic American non-fiction.

7. College athletes should get paid for the unbelievable amounts of money they bring in for their institutions... wait, what? ... they get a free education? ... along with other reasonable perks during their college experience? ... huh, so they are getting paid.

8. David Blaine straight freaks me out.

9. Talk radio hosts often have the right point, but rarely do they argue it the right way.

10. Poker tournaments are no more a gambling activity than racquetball tournaments.

11. I have never eaten too many Wheat Thins.

12. A trilogy of trilogies gone horribly wrong after the first movie was brilliant: The Matrix, Star Wars (Episodes I-III), Mission Impossible.

13. Cruises would be the best vacations because they allow you to see so much of the world and still be lazy when you want to.

14. Call me closed-minded, but I mainly like poetry with some sort of structure.

15. Cubs fans are the most unique group of people on the planet...take that how you will.

16. I would really like to be able to sew.

17. I love bluegrass music almost as much as I detest country.

18. The downtown Indianapolis Monument Circle during lunchtime in the spring is the most beautiful sight in Indiana.

19. The chances that your relationship works out after "taking a break" are about as good as the chances of you getting struck by lightning.

20. Taylor Hicks will be popular longer than every previous American Idol (including Kelly Clarkson)... combined.

21. Film as a medium is slowly climbing to the same philosophical level of influence as literature and drama.

22. I am the most myself when I am driving around late at night, windows down, music up, with no particular destination in mind.

Shutting Up

This is one of those issues that makes my heart sink in my chest when I think about how often I've succumbed to its pride. In fact, this may be the single biggest way that pride exposes itself in my daily life.

I was having a conversation the other day with a group of dear friends, and as several of my conversations tend to do, we began talking about a political topic--a topic that I realized I was in the minority opinion about within the group. As I stated my position and the resoning behind it, it became apparent that they were very passionate about the opposite stance for their own reasons. Within the next several days, I received phone calls, emails, and further comments about this discussion none of which were particularly positive causing myself and some of these friends to feel alienated and patronized in the process.

In another instance, I was relaxing at home with my two roommates watching some television when we began discussing the Indiana Pacers. Both these gentlemen are bleeding heart Pacer fans, and I have only very loose NBA affiliations (The Hawks are my team, but I don't admit that in public often). We were talking about what the team should do in the off-season and began debating a certain player's credentials. It was a topic he must have been previously frustrated with, because the conversation escalated quickly, and before I knew it he was visibly enraged, leaving the room to compose himself.

I love these people; still do; probably always will. I also love spirited discussions... ok ok, I love to argue. But as I thought about these two exhanges, I have to ask myself if it is always healthy.

I know I can be argumentative and stubborn. I have difficulty conceding that I'm wrong on an issue--in fact that may be the understatement of the millenium.

There are two things I need to learn here: I need to learn how to agree to disagree, and how to just shut up.

Ties are like kissing your sister. I've heard that all my life, and to be honest in many ways I believe it, but with discussions I think it needs to be accepted. My competitive spirit tells me I need to make them understand my position, but grace and gentleness says sometimes I need to just shake their hand and call it a day. Part of this is understanding that every two people have two different filters of experiences and ideas through which they see life. Part of this is swallowing my pride and being ok with everybody not seeing things exactly the way I do.

Maybe even more importantly though, I need to learn a little more discretion. Some things just don't need to be said. Some conversations cannot go anywhere but down, and these simply need to be avoided. This is coming from a guy who considers himself open and straight forward. I like to have things out on the table and work through them, but I have to realize that sometimes keeping arguments to myself is the peaceable route. Not out of weakness, but out of love.

Sometimes it takes the bigger man to just sit down and be quiet--somebody bring me some rope and duct tape.

Living in the Process

I'd consider January of '05 a major turning point in my life. I would say that's when I really grew up. That's when I really figured out a major chunk of the big picture, with smaller pieces coming together day by day. I wrote a little something about it back in the day (see Overcoming Mediocrity...), and I am thrilled to say that in almost two years of hindsight my life has never been the same since. Maybe that's a bad way to word it; I guess life has been the same, I just digest it differently. While the past eighteen months have been full of learning experiences, the one that has been the most important has been this concept of living in the process of life.

Shortly after I thought I had everything figured out with this new lifestyle of taking risks and being intentional and self-aware, I ran into a wall. I liken it to Peter getting out of the boat to walk on the water and then becoming paralyzed with fear. I finally bought into this worldview, and I was excited about it, but I began to realize the implications of this worldview meant my crystal clear picture of my life down the road all of a sudden was very hazy.

I love my ten year plan, in fact at that point I realized that I had based my identity in my ten year plan for much of my life. It is good to have goals, and as we all know, if you fail to plan you plan to fail (...my apologies, couldn't resist...); but I had been living my life here in the present for a destination somewhere off in the future that may or may not ever come. The solution became a phrase called "living in the process," meaning living your life where you are--being fully present, not pushing an agenda or steering circumstances toward some distant prerogative.

Again, don't abandon goals and dreams, but don't cling to them so harshly that you fight against a different path that you may be called to. Let me give an example: Suppose you have gone to school to become an engineer, but one day one of the short stories you write for fun gets published and now you have been offered the chance to pursue a full-time writing career. Wouldn't it be a shame if you scoffed at this opportunity to do something you are talented at and would enjoy just because you had your mind set on being an engineer and the financial stability it offers? Plus you've spent thousands of dollars on schooling for that carreer, so it would be wasteful to throw that away right? Those would be my exact thoughts when faced with this situation two years ago. I would go the safe route, because my plan controlled me and not the other way around.

Living in the process gives you the freedom to work hard in a certain direction, while giving flexibility to go where life leads. It keeps you from putting all your eggs in a basket so far away from you that it may not even be what you thought it was when you get there. We miss out on so much of the people and the experiences that are right here around us when we keep standing on our tiptoes looking over them in order to keep our ambitions in focus, and that just seems a little off-key to me. Life is better lived when you are immersed in the process of things. Even while we are cognizant of the big picture, we must keep our eyes and our feet active in the here and now seeking to absorb the present for all it's worth.

Otherwise we get weary and anxious. We go through the cycles of life and sometimes we even forget what it was we were slaving away for. People seem distant from us and we become engulfed in ourselves because our only obsession is our pot of gold at the end of this rainbow we've been tracking. Even if we say we're doing it for others, if we commit ourselves to achieving a fixed destiny for them we are stuffing those people into this box of our own ambition--now we are affixing their future to ours which can cause resentment. One key variation to this would be married couples. In a healthy marriage the two people are considered one flesh in which you make your decisions together as one, which means living in the process can be applied the same way to the couple as a single entity as to an individual, but obviously it's probably a little more complicated (I can't speak to it directly because of my lack fo experience).

The crux of the matter is are we banking our priorities on an assumed future destination or finding fullness in the process. There is too much richness in where we are to attempt to manipulate what is around us toward some manufactured end. Because of this, live life with more ambition than ever, dig deeper than ever, work and play harder than ever, because by doing so you will get to where you want to go in the long run. This is not an encouragement to indulge in instant gratification, this is a call to understand the big picture while fully realizing the potential of the present.

Besides, tomorrow is a luxury that we are not promised.

The Art of Spontaneity

My last post, you may have recognized, was a bit off the beaten path with the rest of my recent ramblings. Obviously I make no apologies at the shameless opportunity to introduce my nephew to you all... in fact on another quick sidenote, in the few short weeks of his life my parents tell me continually that he looks like me when I was an infant. That, of course, means he is the coolest baby ever, and I'll violently defend that assertion.

But I want to get back to this idea of living life to the full, putting ourselves in position to live up to our fullest potential. I'm convinced that the bedrock principle for this lifestyle is in consciously residing in a state of self-awareness and evaluation, but building on top of that can be hard. Implementing a worldview or a lifestyle can seem monumentally overwhelming, it is much more manageable, however, to piece it together by practicing the individual habits so that they form the framework from which you live your life. In other words, now that we've seen the big picture, let's look at the smaller aspects of this thing to really get a grasp on what it means to live in fullness.

I'm going to start with something that is often overlooked-- and maybe rightfully so with some of the other more important habits that you could focus on-- and that is the art of being spontaneous. Americans have a fairly unique struggle with boredom in their lives. In a culture of instant gratification and constant upgrades, things become obsolete very quickly and we lose interest in the obsolete. There is always something bigger and faster than what we have now, and that seems to drain us of our edge for life. It becomes easier to get complacent and find ourselved cruising down the highway of least resistance and living by default.

Let's face it, sometimes we just need to do something out of the ordinary just to do it. It may even be slightly illogical (this is difficult for a person like me who considers logic to be nearly deified to admit), and it may not make sense to everybody else, but it is fundamentally necessary for well-being. Furthermore, spontaneous activities are often times worth short-term negative consequences for the long term benefits: lasting memories, a deep breath for the soul, a fresh perspective, re-evaluating the bigger picture... these are some of the most important things in life, and certainly would be worth the cost of having a little less spending money or a slightly lower GPA or blowing a couple sick days at work.

Now I'm a pretty conservative guy, I don't like to rock the boat very often, but when I think back to the road trips I took or the nights I stayed out way too late with class the next morning or spent too much time on a creative project that will get me nothing tangible in return, those are the experiences I value. It is through those things that I built incredibly deep and meaningful relationships with people as well as discovered immeasurably more about myself. These spontaneous adventures are catalysts for growth, rest stops for weary minds, and jump starts for tired hearts.

Sometimes living full means putting logic on the shelf for just a little while. It's in taking risks for the experience of it, obviously tempered with some common sense. Ten years down the road you aren't going to rememeber what you would have done at work that one Friday, but you certainly would cherish forever the memories of that Friday you took off work to go rock climbing or drove to surprise a friend who lives four hours away from you. Yeah gas is expensive, yeah he might have plans, yeah you just lost a sick day you were saving in case you got Bird Flu this winter... but I promise you it will be worth it. Regret most frequently plagues those who do nothing, not those who take risks.

Start with something small maybe. Take an extra half-hour on your lunch break oen time this month and just take a walk in the beautiful spring weather, or drive to a ballpark you've never been to this baseball season to catch a game some weekend. See how it goes. If you don't have a lasting memory or your heart isn't more full because of it, I'll give you a money back guarentee.

There are many other aspects to living a life of fullness, but this just seems to be a really fun one and it incorporates risk and awareness so well. I would love to hear the things some of you come up with, in fact I invite you to email me so that I can maybe try a few. This may be a small thing, but its a great place to start and can be a big step in the right direction.

My Nephew

I witnessed something unlike any other phenomena I have ever been a part of: I was present as a new member of our family was born.

Now granted, I wasn't actually in the delivery room (and from what I hear, it's not exactly a walk in the park), but I was right down the hall in the closet-like waiting room with other members of the family--anxiously waiting.

I've been in hospitals, seen newborns, seen close friend's newborns, but nothing prepares you for the experience of an immediate family member having a child. It's surreal. I'm sure many of you have experienced this, but for me it was completely foreign. I drove home to Peoria the minute I heard she was being checked into the hospital, but I did it because I wanted to be with my brother and his wife during this important transition in their lives--I didn't expect the immensity of the event.

Not only the concept that this was the beginning of the next generation of our family, which is a crazy thought in itself, but the fact that Jackson Scott Bahorik was born at 6:43pm on May 2nd, 2006 and every one of us would have died for that child the second it was born... and probably even before that. How is that possible? Where do our inhibitions go when it comes to new babies? This guy has nothing to offer me, in fact this is as far from a "give-take" relationship there is. All we do is give give give, and yet, instantly we're enthralled.

Maybe it's because we know he's not capable yet, maybe it's because that's the way family is, maybe it's an innate value that all people place on new life. I tend to think it's all of the above, which is a coalescence of emotions so unique and so powerful that I had to personally and intimately experience it to truly understand it.

I really hope that I'm the cool uncle for Jack. I hope that he hears I'm coming home for Thanksgiving and he gets excited that "crazy uncle Zach" is coming home to play with him. I can't wait for his phone calls when he first starts talking, or his birthday parties with entirely too much Cubs decorations and all his little friends-- until then, I'll talk to him in my baby voice and pretend like his can understand me. Oh little Jackson, you have taught me so much already.

The Self-Examined Life

I'm a big proponent of living life to the fullest. I believe it's biblical: That Christ came to give us life and life to the full. There are different ways to interpret that, and interpretation is largely a product of one's priorities and worldview. As I made my way through the latter years of college and into my post-undergraduate life, the more I value the discipline of awareness. In fact, after my desire to know God, the number two item on my list of things-to-do is to know myself.

This may seem self-centered, but don't misunderstand my contention. I don't want to know myself because of how great I am, quite the opposite. More than anything I want to know how I relate to God--which can only lead to humility. Further, I want to know why I do the things I do, why I think the way I do, why I enjoy the things I do, where my behaviors come from, and so on. These questions take a lifetime of research and observation to really grasp and answers come in bits and pieces over great periods of time... and that seems infinitely exciting to me.

It's being intentional about life. It's going through your day, laying in bed at night and asking yourself the tough questions. It's not being satisfied with living how everyone else is living just because it's the way it's always been done. It's going past the simple answers and asking why things happen, if that's the way they should be, and if there's anything you can do about it.

At first I thought it would be easy, but honestly it just doesn't happen like I want it to all the time. It is so easy to get lost in the workweek and have time just bleed away until before you know it you've spent a year in a place and you have had no real impact on anyone or anything. Friday's come quicker and quicker when you take the path of least resistance, which may sound good but really it's quite empty when you stop to think about it. Take the time to not only do things, but to be fully present while you're doing them. Every morning I drive about 45 minutes to work, and about ninety percent of the time I zone out for those minutes, not thinking about anything, just driving by habit. What other activities do we do by habit causing us to miss the richness of the journey and the people who walk it with us?

Being aware is taking those experiences and squeezing every last ounce of value out of it. It means working to the fullest, relaxing to the fullest, even hurting to the fullest, and each moment processing through it so you catch everything that just happened. If we lived that way, we would learn so much, we would have so much wisdom, we would have so much fun, and on top of all of that we would be more appreciative for each second of it.

Awareness is an attitude with which you attack life. It just seems to factor into everything, transforming the most mundane aspects of day-to-day living and giving them new purpose and a reason to be embraced. It gives each person you run into a new potential to change you and be changed by you. I'm not sure, but I think this is how we become full, how we live in completeness, how we feel alive. Living dynamically, living awake.

The Longest Winter

I really don't think I have an emotional disorder, but somehow seasons have a profound effect on me. As I noted in a previous post, summer works as a catalyst for change in my life on an almost annual basis. Winter, on the other hand, does something to me that is difficult to describe. In a manner of speaking, it beats me up. It tires me out. The maniacal build up to Christmas and the subsequent deflation leave me exhausted, and then the pervasive chill and dreariness finish me off.

I've made it through twenty-one of these episodes now, so it obviously isn't fatal. But while I'm stuck in this winter wonderland I begin to question things much more often than I normally do. Things seem so much harder. Days seem so much longer. Solitude seems so much lonelier. Routines which once yeilded satisfaction begin to grate on my fortitude everytime I look out my window, which is overshadowed by a parking garage, and see the drabness of my surroundings--and I wonder if the grey I perceive around me is seeping into my life.

I'm a fairly grounded person, not usually one for flights of fancy although I have my moments (which we all should have from time to time), but it is these times that I begin to project change into my future. Patience falls by the wayside, sometimes taking rationality with it, as my wanderlust takes me hostage. I've recently lost efficiency at work, telling myself I won't be there much longer anyhow. I have trouble really focusing on impacting people. It's as if the cold weather causes me to retract inside myself for a metaphysical warmth, and I miss opportunities.

I'll snap out of it eventually. I always do. But for now I wonder, striving for self-awareness, why restlessness sets in from December to March. Does this general despondency resonate with anyone else? And I'm not just talking about February and Valentine's Day either; in fact I quite enjoy that holiday despite my single status. I'm simply wondering if it's just me that slips into mental and emotional hibernation during the winter months while the world keeps its course or if things just seem arbitrarily less important as the anticipation of spring creeps up. Or maybe January's staleness helps us truly appreciate the vibrance of May. Regardless of the reason, there is the light at the end of the tunnel, and the forecast says it will be 75 degrees and sunny.

Accountability in Community

I have weathered through seemingly countless battles against all kinds of stumbling blocks. From almost every realm of temptation, I can point out aspects that I have struggled with, and continue to struggle with. Being a self-reliant person as I am (self-reliant meaning stubborn, prideful, fearful) some of these bad habits have been worked out through supernatural grace and self-discipline, but a vast majority of the things I would call "victories" in my everyday bouts with my sin nature have been a result of direct accountability.

Stemming the tide of indulging sinful behaviors is a process that can absolutely exhaust us. Coming to grips with this idea that I'm called to be sinless, yet knowing full well that in our own strength we cannot be is frustrating on many levels. It's frustrating because we genuinely want to be there, but our flesh does not cooperate--yet deep down I always convince myself I can do it. There is a piece of me that sees this problem as one that can be fixed, and not only that, I'm convinced that I can fix it in myself. This attitude has led to a ton of disappointments; repetitive failures are something I loathe.

While that is the low point of my struggle, the high point is when I successfully overcome something. The similarities I begin to see when analyzing these victories are the key people who have helped me in real ways to get past these behaviors. When I open myself up to the counsel and accountability of others, there is much more incentive for me to work on change as well as more support and guidance to make the work easier.

But when I think of the disparity between how many times I recognize something in my life I want to change and how many times I tell another person about it, I realize that rarely do I open myself up to that kind of accountability willingly. In fact, many times I've had to be caught red handed in order for me to accept the accountability I need. It has a great deal to do with fear-- fear that I will be scorned for my shortcomings, fear of ridicule, fear of isolation-- but actually the opposite is true: the scorn and isolation are what I experience when I keep all my deficiencies buried inside myself.

Sin kills us from the inside out when we lock up our issues in our hearts and never bring them to light. We feel trapped and alone, thinking that no one else struggles with these things like we do. We tell ourselves that these awful parts of our personalities are too ugly to expose. My heart breaks to think of all the times I've told myself those things and continued to wrestle with these hidden temptations by myself, failing again and again. But when I was finally able to be honest about my flaws, it was as if a rush of fresh air filled my lungs and I was able to breathe again. I didn't feel dirty anymore, no more unbearable guilt. The problem wasn't solved, but at least once it was out in the open the battle to keep it hidden was over--and that was more tiring than anything. How can I expect to be able to stand strong against temptation if I'm so exhausted from keeping my sins a secret from those that love me? There just isn't enough strength for both.

This is an encouragement to be vulnerable, to be open to personal accountability. If the church body would promote this kind of openness, there would be significantly more community and healing as a result. I've tried to fix myself for years, and I've concluded that it isn't possible. We need others, notably the power of the Spirit, but earthly community as well to get through these fights with our sin nature. We're all broken somehow, we're all somehow not completely put together. We do not have to live in the captivity of fear and pride and guilt, freedom is available to any who commit to be honest with themselves and others about their inadequacies to the end of shaping one another more closely to the mold of Christ.

My Take on Free Speech...

I tackle freedom of speech for two reasons that have recently been brought to my attention which give me the impression that this important freedom of ours is widely misunderstood.

Situation 1:
I recently attended a lecture given by nationally recognized conservative author Ann Coulter at Purdue University. Now we can discuss Miss Coulter's views and convictions later if you'd like, but suffice to say the speech was relatively harmless and went without incident from any sort of liberal contingent that may have been conspiring in the balcony. As we left the theater, however, there was a group of students congregated in the lobby area that were chanting "Free speech for all" and handing out some sort of flier. Intrigued by the developing mob that surrounded them I went over to see what the fuss was all about. They handed me what ended up being some artwork they had put together--it was a picture of Jesus receiving oral sex from another man.

The gentleman who handed it to me had a smirk on his face as my displeasure was evident. He chanted again in my face "Free speech for all" and I walked away, feeling quite insulted, and deeply disturbed. Before I crumpled it up and tossed it in the can with other garbage, I noticed something written below the picture, it read: "Ann, does this make you mad?" Then I realized the point they were trying to make--that somehow if they publish something that is blatantly offensive to Christians, we will want to censor their smut so badly that we will allow some of our own views to be censored as well...that because we don't like something, we should want to have their right to talk about it or distribute materials about it taken away, thus making us violators of their "freedom of speech."

These people are wrong about many things in life. I disagree with everything they did that evening. In my opinion, they screamed and handed out trash just to make people angry, something that benefits no one. However, they are also incorrect in thinking that I want the government to step in and stop them from what they were doing. That is ridiculous. I believe I was righteously angry for what they stood for, but I don't want them to be martyred by mobilizing authorities in some sort of totalitarian "silence the dissenters" perversion of justice-- I just want them to grow up. I want them to think for themselves and get rid of this immature notion that the world is out to get them with Christians at the front of the line. Furthermore, I realize that much of our culture would equate how Christians tell people about the hope and love of Jesus Christ with how these confused individuals were showing people hate and mistrust and anger-- and why would I want to sacrifice the power of love to a needy world just to sweep a few uninformed pseudo-intellectuals out of the conversation where they have no real influence to begin with?

They certainly have the "freedom" to believe what they wish (at least for now) and act within legal means accordingly. I also have the right to be upset with their expression and work within legal means to keep them from perverting the minds of other impressionable youth, but it never once occurred to me to attack their constitutional freedom of speech to do so... it might be time to come up with a new chant.

Situation 2:
I tend to listen to streamed radio stations over the internet while I work in my office. I gravitate toward talk radio or other mildly educational media, whether that be politics, sports, or occasionally a good book on tape. Recently as I was listening to sports talk radio, the host brought up comments made by Bryant Gumbel concerning the Winter Olympics. Gumbel stated the following in a closing monologue:

"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them ...So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention."

There are a variety of controversial things that can be inferred from this comment--sports in which black athletes don't excel aren't "real sports," black athletes could perform better in these events than those that currently compete for some inherent biological reason, the Republican party is largely devoid of races other than whites, just to name a few.

Now I think this is a poor statement from someone hosting a show called "Real Sports," but I don't think he should be rebuked that harshly. This is Bryant's opinion, as unintelligent as it may be. If he doesn't want to watch the Winter Olympics, that is his perrogative. To quickly make a few points on the matter, it's preposterous to say that the athletes don't measure up to excellence just because they aren't racially diverse. Hockey, for example, has to be one of the most physically demanding sports on the planet even before you factor in that they play the whole game on ice skates, and you're going to assert that because a certain race hasn't shown interest in it that those that do participate aren't great athletes? I could point out other flaws in Gumbel's argument, but this goes to show that just because I disagree with his position doesn't mean I think he should have his career penalized for holding it--and I don't believe any consequences have been brought against Mr. Gumbel as of yet.

It is also true, however, that had the situation been reversed, things would most likely be handled differently. If a white commentator made the same remarks when refering to sports where black athletes predominate the talent pool, there would probably be severe consequences. This is the climate of our culture: some groups can say things about other groups without consequence and some are berated excessively (i.e. Rush Limbaugh's comments on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown). Should this be? Probably not. There should be balanced dispensation of justice; but in reality there isn't--life just isn't always fair, so we have to get over it.

What we must do is hold to the ideal, even if it is not honored and shared by others. The higher road is to allow people to have their opinions, as is their right to free speech, and patiently debate and question those opinions when they appear amiss. We don't seek retribution for past wrongs by violating the code ourselves, just because one of ours was treated unfairly does not give us the same right to knock one of theirs. Think through the issue yourself, come to a reasonable and thoughtful conclusion, and stand strongly by your right to speak your opinion and question others.

As you can probably tell I'm a big fan of having my own opinion, and I don't know of anyone on my side of the aisle that is trying to take that away from anybody, but make sure we understand what we mean when we claim our freedom of speech. Respect the opinions of others and aggressively research your own and honestly defend your educated conclusions. Civilized debate is constructive for everyone involved; screaming and yelling ignorantly about "free speech" while passing out inflammatory literature is most certainly not.

The Myth of "OK"

I pulled into work this morning at about my usual time, meaning five to ten minutes late, and have since settled into my office, did some morning reading, and spent some time in inspired thought (induced simultaneously by my morning mug of coffee and the impaling power of Scripture). It has been close to a half hour since I got out of my car and made my way into our quaint commercial building on the southeast corner of Monument Circle, and already I have made several morning greetings--Sam, our delightful building receptionist; Karen, my favorite Starbucks barista; Pat, the quirky gentlemen that works two offices down from me; Zeke, a perky young fellow that works in an office across the hall. Each one asked me how I was doing, and in each case I gave the same, purely mindless answer: "I'm doin' ok, how are you?" Their reply was similarly generic. But it really has me thinking--why do I say that?

True, some people ask the question as a formality. Some fling it our direction as kind of a diversion so they can slip past us and get on with their "busy" day. It's polite enough I suppose, but there is an element of mistrust in it, something far from genuine that reinforces walls we construct to keep people out. Now I'm not saying that everyone that approaches us and unwittingly blurts out a "hey how are you" should in turn receive an indepth analysis of your dreams, problems, fears and ambitions, but at the same time aren't we day-by-day pushing ourselves out into self-reliance? Not just a healthy independence mind you, but complete self-absorption? Something in my head tells me there is danger in that. That there is danger in not letting people in. Danger in convincing ourselves that everything is fine and we can handle life ourselves. Vulnerability has become a four letter word in today's society--in today's church.

We tell ourselves that we're "ok" and echo the same to others because they don't want to hear our probelms right? We don't want to seem needy or high maintenance or without control. There is weakness in need, in being vulnerable. So we build walls and block out community, as if somehow trapping ourselves on an island will make us feel safe. It's time to revolutionize a culture that fosters the idea that you can't show weaknesses. It's time to recognize this epidemic of being "ok" for what it is: a concession to pride and fear.

We're afraid to be vulnerable, we're afraid of accountability. We tell ourselves we can't be open about our struggles, that we are the only one's on earth that face difficulty with pornography or self-image or greed or apathy. We lock ourselves in, put on a smile, and don't ever flash a glimpse of our battles with anyone, most notably anyone in the church, because they wouldn't understand our issues. They would look down on us for struggling with those socially unacceptable sins. We would be black-listed by the contemporary church if they knew we struggled with drinking or drugs. The church has become a place where we put on our Sunday best and play the role of the good kid. It's more of a country club than a hospital--it seems more for the well than for the sick.

The combination of our own self-reliance and the church's seeming unacceptance of anything less than a tidy Christian life has lead to the seperation of self from community. In Christian community there is infinite, supernatural healing; yet many of us walk in and out of that community with the same debilitating baggage each week because we have convinced ourselves that no one will understand or sympathize with us. We think that no one else has these kinds of problems; everyone else looks so put together. We refuse to be open for fear that our past is so ugly that no one, not even God, could look at us after we confess what we've done; so we continually bury it and beat ourselves up over it when it comes back. It kills us from the inside out.

We need to awaken to the truth that we are all sick, all fatally wounded, with no hope beyond that of grace. If we scrapped this myth that everyone else has their ducks in a row and we're the only one's facing these kinds of problems, if we really believed that, we would find it much easier to love people and be loved by others. It would be so much easier to open ourselves up to others and find healing in supporting and encouraging one another. Christian community is grounded in serving and loving people, and once we all figure out that we're not ok, then we can experience how dynamic a life of vulnerability and accountability in that community can truly be.

Cheers to beachheads...

Even our most sincere intentions seem to inevitably disappoint in some aspect. Such is the case with 'the blog.' Something to truly mull over this week is why on earth would we not do things we know we love to do, and should do, and in all honesty can make time to do? It's the deception of busy-ness I think. I may enter into a diatribe on that at a later time, but for now I simply write a paragraph to appease my very guilty conscience that so hopefully wished that posting would become a regular habit--but all good habits take infinitely more effort to establish than bad ones don't they? What a crock. We slip and slide into these self-deprecating routines without so much as a fight, and when we finally find something healing and therapeutic and productive we find all sorts of other things to do with that time...like watching Survivor, or playing poker, or playing these addicting mind-games online... on all counts, guilty as charged.

I am convinced my idea was beautiful--an ongoing published conversation that communicates the ever-present struggle within; a vaguely guided responsive monologue where sincere attempts at truth salvage the absence of concrete assuredness about much of anything--with the hope that those who read can profoundly relate to the journey and take heart in knowing that there is another blind fool out there stumbling around searching for relevance. Yeah, that still sounds good to me.

So will this be the turning point? the watershed? Is this the Normandy beachhead where the tide of the war against lethargy is miraculously shifted into the favor of the Allied forces? God, I hope so. But until I prove some sort of dependability, I simply raise my glass to another chance, another swing at things. From one temperamental wanderer to another, bottom's up everybody...

Setting the stage...

Establishing the context for the individual lessons that I have been taught over the past three months goes a little bit deeper than the season of summer itself. The combination of the transitional season of summer plus the transitional period of graduating from college makes for one heck of a roller coaster, but the beauty of such human chaos is the subtlety of divine intervention that weaves its way throughout the process. In other words, while this time in my life can certainly be characterized as one of the most volatile, frightening, and independent periods I have ever faced, at the same time I have never felt so centered, so sustained, or so certain that I am where God wants me for this moment.

The signs of the favor of God on my journey are simply too bold and too numerous to ignore. I will share two key examples. I signed a lease to stay in a house in Marion after graduation, and I only applied for one full time job. It was with a small non-profit group in Indianapolis which had received over ten applications for that position, and yet I never doubted that I belonged there. Literally the Thursday before graduation (on Saturday) I had not officially heard word from my prospective employer. I had no car, no job, rent to pay, and a million questions to answer about what on earth I was doing in Indiana. Within three days, I was offered the job in Indianapolis, bought a car, graduated from college, and started my new job flying at a million miles an hour right into the real world. It could not have worked any other way. There was no Plan B really, it was divinely arranged.

More recently, since I am working in Indianapolis I have been looking for a residence closer to my work. With inflating gas prices and a requirement of eight hours of sleep a night, the commute from Marion to Indy daily was just too much after a couple weeks. I nailed down two different places in Indianapolis only to see them both fall through- and when I thought I had exhausted my options, God once again reached down and perfected His work. Due to horrifically unfortunate circumstances, a coworker of mine had availability in his home, and offered to let me stay with him permanently without charge. Not only was this a miracle for me financially, this living arrangement gives me a chance to develop a close friendship with a guy I greatly respect, and I think that is something we both need right now.

I have other stories as well, but these two series of events prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my steps are in line with God's will for my life. Everything else I have learned pales in comparison to the realization that God reveals Himself constantly to us if we take the time to look; and by looking we can find purpose so profound that it takes over our agenda in a supernatural way. My friends, what a blessing it is to have confidence that you are where you are supposed to be, even if there is great risk involved. Each moment is a new challenge to let go of control and allow God to shape the journey. More often than not, it looks pretty messy and unorganized. I couldn't tell you where exactly I'm headed, or how exactly I'm going to get there; but if there is one thing I do know it is that by continually deciding to sacrifice a neat, quiet existence in favor of stepping out in faith and accepting God's direction there is unspeakable peace--and quite frankly, that's all I need.

Transitions: Catalyst of A Journey

For a young adult, the summer time is the natural period of transitions. For the three months of summer, drastically more alteration seems to occur than in the other nine months. I can't count the number of people I have seen that leave an academic setting in the spring one year and come back to it in the fall with a noticeable difference; and even though it may be a seemingly superficial change it seems to sink its way into their personality which completely and irreversibly alters the way you relate to them. Summer just seems to be a season which nurtures spurts of intense growth for the young and the young at heart. It is in this context that my process of transformation takes place on several unique levels.

Over the past fourteen weeks, I've been confronted with mental, emotional, and physical challenges unlike anything I've ever experienced- and all this has occurred over a stretch where I have never been more unsure of the foreseeable future. I graduated from college on a muggy Saturday at the end of April and accepted a full time job a hundred miles away starting three days later-- without having a car to get me there. Since I walked across the stage and received my promotion into the "real world," I have had countless situations equally as unnerving and ominous as that one. From having to decide where I will be spending the next three years of my life in law school to trying to figure out how I will be getting to work next week, nothing was ever certain; and for a person who thrives on putting my ducks in a row, that is nothing short of torture. The more I tried to line my life up in a series of managable dominoes toppling toward tidy personal achievements, the less sense the pieces seemed to make.

What resulted is a spiritual and intellectual journey toward messyness in which I learned seemingly everything all at once. It's like having your newly cleaned laundry dumped out all around you on your bedroom floor--it's clean and good, yet it's confusing and disorganized. What will hopefully make its way to these pages is the systematic unpacking of the overwhelming deluge of lessons, hardships, and supplication that has been so graciously poured out over me this summer. It may not always make sense, but exploring these inspirations as extensively as possible is equally as beneficial. Since it is a hiatus from acadamia, many times my mind slows down due to inactivity during these warmer months, but this summer has actually had the opposite effect. As you can imagine, trying to sort through the process of growing up while being thrust into the fire itself leaves no room for mental vacations.

Fear of Death

When further exploring the fundamental issues that hinder us from truly pursuing a life devoted to God, certain things seem to come up as red flags in our lives: behaviors we know are wrong, an impure thought life, a constant feeling of anxiety. All these things we would relate to indicators that what we are doing is not in line with a growing Christian faith; however, I think sometimes as Christians we tend to stop here. We see these fruitions of spiritual deficiency and we solve the symptom while not even considering the source itself. All it takes is a journey down the path of cause and effect to see where these issues find their root, which I believe is the real reason why Christians suffer from an inability to change their lives.

I don't think any Christian would say that they didn't wish they were completely living for God, that they didn't wish they had a more spiritual mind set, but the most common question is simply how on earth do I get there? How does a human being really develop a spiritual sensitivity? It has to be something beyond devotions and prayer, right? I mean those are pretty standard for even the most luke-warm of Christians. The common answer that has been given to this question of "what next?" has traditionally been the giving up of material things. Give up whatever matters to you more than God. That seems simple enough. And again, as Christians, we stop here. I have "given up" enough things to realize that while this also may be necessary in some cases, it cannot stop here, because there is more to this person's problem. Giving up one thing only allows something else to fill the void.

So what is it then? Where does this cycle end? What is it that truly needs fixing? Ultimately, when all the superficialities are boiled away, the thing contemporary Christians most often value above God is their own lives. It has been my experience that at most times in my life I have been able to surrender bits and pieces of my life to God, but it is much more difficult to truly surrender the whole thing. It is so much harder to see past the horizon of my own fleeting earthly existence. The goal, then, must be to set our gaze beyond this world--in essence, to see beyond death. Only when we realize how little these few years on earth mean in the spectrum of eternity can we rightly devalue the importance we consciously and subconsciously place on material priorities.

When we are able to step out of these physical boundaries into an eternal consciousness and realize that our real existence is beyond this world, the thought of physical death becomes much less of a feared end but more of a mandatory transition which ushers us excitedly into the greater realm. This is the real root cause of why so many Christians who desire to be closer to God never will be: they tightly cling to their physical lives as their primary vehicle of satisfaction and, thus, fear death. Their priorities are too embedded in the physical universe and when it comes down to the tough choices between what God has planned for them eternally and what they themselves have planned for their temporal lives, they are unable to forsake those material ambitions for a much greater calling. They settle for attempting to fulfill their desires in an imperfect place instead of focusing their joys on the eternal ramifications; and friends if we think this way, we have a real reason to fear death.

If we think this way, death marks the end of possibility, the end of opportunity to feel fulfillment. Christians who live this way see death as the creditor finally coming to collect on the debt we've accumulated, forcing us to be accountable for the actions we committed in life but got away with. All of those hidden sins will be brought to light, along with the regret of goals and dreams that were left unrealized in the realm we valued. This horrific picture of the reality of death can be terrifying.

But how liberating it must be for the true believer who ascertains the truth of life and death. How blessed is the man who lives his life for eternity and views death as a rite of passage to the eternal reward he receives for his life of service. For this man, death is a celebration, not a fear.

As Christians, it is not enough to simply sacrifice areas of our lives, but life itself must be surrendered. Only when we lose our lives in exchange for the hope of true life in the eternal realm does death lose its negativity. Extinguishing the fear of death is a beautiful by-product of implementing a spiritual perspective, and once again, it is the heart attitude, the desire for spiritual sensitivity that will evoke this mind set. Appealing in prayer constantly and earnestly requesting His wisdom and empowerment will result in a gradual alignment with the mind of God. Maturity and discipline bring perspective, and we can then rejoice in the opportunity provided by death to realize our true spiritual existence in eternity.

Overcoming Mediocrity the Only Way I Know How

The other day I had a pretty intense conversation with a good friend of mine. While our discussion began with some peripheral issues which at the time I considered vitally important, eventually it made its way to the true heart of the matter. I believe the exact question she asked me was "what are your priorities?" Of course, being the savvy contemporary Christian, I instantly recognized the simplicity of this statement and proceeded to dance around it at all costs by cluttering up the dialogue with scraps of practical theory and rhetoric that appeared to successfully cloud the true emptiness of my answer. Luckily for me, she wasn't buying it and she called me out on it.

I can honestly say that there have been fewer than three times that I have ever been spiritually challenged in such an intimate setting, and because of my lack of experience I was spun off into a seeming abyss of indecision and desperate questioning without answers. I realized that something had to be off, I just couldn't put my finger on what. "I'm doing everything I know to do" I said, probably five hundred times, and the more I tried to reason through the steps I can take to remedy the state of spiritual mediocrity I was sitting in, the more tired I became from thinking myself in circles. I understood, I suppose, that growing spiritually is not something we can do through human actions like reading the Bible and praying, but really that was all I had ever considered. If it was something beyond that, then it was God who was supposed to initiate it because I can only do what I can control, right?

We discussed further that my spiritual stagnation kept me from being ready for certain interpersonal relationships, and that was something I didn't know if I agreed with. I bombarded her with questions that I considered relevant and poignant: I mean can any of us really be spiritually "ready" for anything? Is there a specific point where our relationship with God merits us something physical? What things do I need to accomplish to validate that I am "ready" or "spiritually mature?" How is spirituality even measured at all? As I asked her these questions, her expression rarely changed. There was a hint of a smile on her lips, but mostly she just waited--waited for me to realize the rediculousness of what I was saying. Finally, after the conversation was well over and we had parted ways, I came back to one of her first questions: what are my priorities? At the risk of indulging a seemingly timeless Christian cliche, something finally clicked. These frivolous questions I was asking her were a desperate attempt to hang onto things that I obviously valued more highly than my relationship with God. The question should never be "how close do I have to get to God before I can get something else."

That epiphany was worth it all, but I think I understood even more than that. I also understood that within those questions I was asking there were real answers about the way I measure my relationship with God. Instead of focussing on doing things like devotions, prayer, and fasting, maybe it's better just to focus on simplicity, obedience, and desire. I've done my devotions enough times to realize that simply making it part of my routine will not encourage spiritual growth in a dynamic way, its about desiring God.

Initially when this friend of mine helped me realize how misguided I had become spiritually I was quite distrought because I was caught up in the things I had failed to do and maintain in my spiritual life, but as I reflected on it later that night I realized the fact that it upset me so much that I did not have as much of God as I really wanted in my life was proof that something was right. Maybe the only way to quantify the pace and direction of our spiritual growth is how much we truly desire Him. Is He the priority. Maybe it's enough that I want it, and focussing on that alone will supercede any attempts I make to work out my spirituality through human actions. We can't live perfect lives, but we can desire it so deeply that we grow and attain a real element of spiritual perspective. All we need to do is ask for it, or at least that's what she said. I have a feeling that one day I may end up owing my eternal happiness to this friend of mine.

Disowning My Deism

I have recently discovered a monumental flaw in my thinking. As a Christian in the 21st century, my idea of God has become drastically skewed to the point where I subconsciously process the world around me through an almost deistic belief system. But wait, isn't that a little severe? I mean deism is a thing of the 1700's and Christianity has come a long way since then. I have been thoroughly convicted that the way I have responded to many things that have happened in my life would shamefully label me as a practical deist.

It is remarkable to me how many times each day I behold elements of God's intervention into human affairs and nonchalantly attribute it to natural causes. I have attended private Christian schools my entire life which has in many ways been a huge blessing, but one definite negative has been the callousness effect it has had on my perception of reality. The concept of God is so ingrained in my thinking that I no longer see Him anymore. I read about the interaction between the supernatural and humanity and I convince myself that "God doesn't work that way anymore." The only way I understand God is in abstraction--that is the only way I have ever related to Him.

I know God is there, at least intellectually I accept it, but in my heart I have believed solely in a transcendent being. The idea of Him talking to me or doing anything real in my everyday life is incongruent with that concept. This, in essence, is the attitude of deism: that God created everything and now just lets it run on its own, not intervening in human affairs-- some call it the "Great Clock Maker" theory. I witness miracles everyday in things that usually don't receive more from me than a passing thought: my personal safety, my health, pleasant surprises that brighten my day, finding some loose change in an old jacket that you just pulled out of storage-- all these everyday phenomena can easily be explained away by natural causes. And that is exactly what I do. As each gift from God comes into my life, I simply attribute credit to every possible explanation other than God.

My brother was in a fairly serious car accident some years ago with some friends and he escaped relatively unharmed. His preservation can be attributed to a number of things: he was wearing his seatbelt, the car didn't make contact with his side of the car, his body tensed up and naturally protected itself, etc. If we try hard enough, we can naturalize pretty much anything. The sad part is that naturalizing these types of events has become my first inclination.

I witness a situation and I instantly begin trying to explain it within the confines of my rationality and understanding as if God is no longer really involved with His creation anymore. How much of God have I missed by ignoring His interaction in my life and clinging to my fallen human intellect? I default to this unknowable deity and deprive myself of basking in the glory of our personal God making himself known to me. What if we made it a point to instantly accredit things, little things even, to the work of God in our lives? What if things that can be very rationally explained by everyday occurrences we choose to view as a direct act of God? Is there danger in looking for God everywhere? I assert that I would rather err by looking too much for God in the world than too little.

Wrapping Up...

Maybe this will wrap up this line of thought. I wasn't even really planning on going further into this, but a recent chapel I attended at Indiana Wesleyan University made it seem necessary, considering it ran rather closely to the matter we have been discussing. The chapel was about the Wesleyan denomination and its beginnings as an entity. I have to admit I was looking forward to hearing a little bit about Wesleyanism because I am not a Wesleyan and I attend a Wesleyan school knowing only the bare minimum about its history. So believe it or not I went into it with a positive attitude.

What proceeded to happen was this man gave a forty-five minute presentation about how Wesleyanism first emerged from the anti-slavery movement, then proceeded to play a key role in women's suffrage and prohibition. My anticipation to hear about basic doctrine and relevant issues facing the church as a body was smashed by sensationalized political jargon. Instead of hearing a history of the Wesleyan denomination, I heard more about the Wesleyan party. By associating Wesleyans solely with a series of political issues, I feel like he truly cheapened the work the founding fathers of Wesleyanism to mere political activism, which is exactly what my previous articles have been decrying. Since that chapel, I have heard reactions from many Wesleyans saying that this presentation was not a fair representation, and I truly hope that is the case.

Here is a prime example of what I fear when it comes to politics and faith: I fear that we as Christians will latch onto political issues to the point where we lose the humanness behind those issues. Politics has a way of causing division and resentment, and why run the risk of bringing all that baggage into the body of Christ by closely associating political issues with the Christian community? Let's even assume for a moment that we do succeed in one of these political struggles and certain legislation is passed to, lets say, eliminate the possibility for homosexuals to get married. Our ultimate goal has finally come to fruition... Now what? Now we have to deal with an angry homosexual community who feels that Christians have been shooting at them all their lives and they finally got their way.

This is not to say that banning gay marriage is a bad thing or that we should try to make everybody happy all the time because we know that is not possible; but we must keep in mind that there is life after these issues are resolved. After World War I, Germany was a defeated nation and the victorious nations did all they could to make them feel that way. The allied powers did so much to degrade Germany after World War I, that Germany harbored severe resentment which was tragically displayed in a bloody sequel: World War II via Adolph Hitler.

The moral of the story is that after conflicts, like Christians wage against homosexuality and abortion, there is still a need to coexist with the opposition. Beyond that, as Christians we do not only need to be able to peacefully coexist, but we need to be able to have an active ministry with these people. While we may hold an opposing political view, they still need to know we love them even if we do eventually "win," otherwise we have defeated ourselves by allowing our ministry to be destroyed in the process. How sad it would be if this scenario played out. We cannot allow the idea of being "right" cloud our thinking to the point where we lose our calling. Christians should have informed views on issues, but "Christianizing" an issue or a party is putting the church's purpose in society in serious jeopardy.

And Furthermore...

I appreciate the feedback I received in reaction to my last article. The encouragement and criticisms are welcomed whether it be via the comments option on this server, e-mails, or IM's. No writer can ever cherish anything more than the thoughtful and sincere responses of those that read his thoughts. I would like to take the issue discussed in "Politics of Faith" a bit further now and bring the topic of Christian political activism to the forum. This article will be slightly more searching and inquisitive in nature as opposed to the more demonstrative structure of the last.

It is necessary to acknowledge and examine the status and agenda of the so called "Christian community," and where we as individuals who profess Christianity stand in reference to that. It is vital for our individual public ministries that we understand the perception of the greater community because our culture will view us as individuals only in the context of their concept of the whole. Allow me to present an example. If a man has a negative experience in a certain church or with a certain religious organization associated with Christianity and you approach him on the street with a fresh message, he will still automatically, maybe even subconsciously, view you as an individual through the lens of the whole, and in this case his negative opinion of that whole. I hope this is clear enough.

With this truth in mind, we as a community need to understand how our culture views us and take that into account when approaching ministry. The situation becomes sticky, as it always seems to, when this community involves itself in politics as an entity. When the Christian community assumes an identity as a political constituency with an agenda, then problems seem to flare up with intensity. There are two blatant issues which are directly ascribed to the Christian community and have thus fused themselves into the fabric of Christianity as a political platform: homosexuality and abortion. They're the big two, the "twin constants" of Christian social policy, "Sunday school politics." If you are a Christian and do not own a television or read newspapers and know pretty much nothing about American politics, you will still know about these two issues solely because your Christian culture will tell you about them. I admit that these are relevant issues, but more than that they are heated issues with delicate feelings in the balance. It is my belief that we as a Christian community have fought so forcefully for these issues that we have become confined and intellectually demoted to a group of political activists instead of a body of Christ with hope and love to offer a hurting nation. Instead of being a reflection of the majesty and compassion of God to mankind, we have been reduced to merely another political special interest group clinging to our platform rebuking homosexuality and abortion. It pains me to say that, unfortunately, this is how our American culture sees us as Christians, individually and communally.

With this premise in mind, here is the question I have struggled with: how can I as a Christian take a firm stance politically for things I feel are important (such as human life and the sanctity of marriage) without fading into the faceless finger-pointing mob that our culture has come to view us as? I believe that there is a Christian view of politics, as there is of all things God created, so politics must have some value; but is my ministry hindered by preconceptions if I engage in political activism? Can I establish a foundation of trust with a homosexual based on my Christian love for him if I speak out against the group he is associated with? I think it is clear that we "love the sinner not the sin," but is it hypocritical to befriend a homosexual and then decry the atrocities of the homosexual agenda?

One revelation I have had in sorting through this is the importance of separating the individual from the group: both sides of these debates need to stop characterizing the other in relation to the political whole. A homosexual is a person who is loved by God, and we need to see him as such instead of lumping him in with the ultra-inflammatory "gay rights" leaders we see on Capitol Hill. In the same way, homosexuals need to see us not as Bible-thumping holy rollers who are trying to restrict their freedoms, but as people who are truly concerned about their eternal well-being. Again, this is all a matter of priorities and I am not sure where mine should lie. Is it possible to maintain a balance of love for the man and passion for the heart of God as it applies to political issues? I have hardly reached conclusions regarding these questions, but I feel that it is important to consider when attempting to integrate the universal application of our worldview to politics while not devaluing Christianity to a mere political agenda.

Politics of Faith

The election will finally take place on Tuesday after what seems like decades of campaigning. I swear if I see one more magazine article or newspaper headline about what Kerry said about Bush's economy or what Bush said about Kerry's wife's ketchup I'm going to explode. With this attitude in mind, I begin with a story. I was having a conversation with a coworker recently about that very favorite of topics... the election.

We heatedly debated about the relevance of an article we were reading in a Christian publication. The article was entitled "God is not a Republican...or Democrat" and the entire premise of the article was stating how God is most definitely not a republican, so why not vote democrat? It plucked verses from every corner of Scripture in order to frame questions such as, "God tells us not to lie (Exodus 20), so as Christians don't you think we should choose a candidate that doesn't lie to us about the reasons to go into a war?" Now if the article intended to be non-partisan, it just failed miserably. My respectable colleague tried to assert that the verse was speaking for itself and the questions were not leading, but that they made me uncomfortable because they "just might have a point." Well then why doesn't the question also bring up instances when Kerry's remarks about his voting record aren't necessarily squeaky clean? Or even go the easy route and just leave the question open ended? If the question was "As Christians, shouldn't we vote for a candidate who values honesty?" than I'd be fine with it because it encourages the voter to think for himself and does not imply a certain candidate or stance on a particular issue. Anyhow, all this is to say that I thought my point was obvious and needed to be understood and accepted by my coworker. My heart was so into squelching this fallacy that, I must admit, my voice raised and I used animated hand motions. I quoted and I argued and I cited; I spoke forcefully and eloquently and persuasively; she must understand this, I thought... and in the midst of my political hysteria it hit me like a nail through the hand... if I was half as concerned about changing people's hearts for God as I am about changing their political views, maybe I would get a glimpse of what God has me on this earth for.

The humility I felt shook me to the core. Where is my fervor for the truly relevant, the truly meaningful elements of humanity. When did I convince myself that the politics of those in my circle of influence is more important to me than their eternal destinies? I defend my politics like a rottweiler, but my faith I leave vulnerable to attack. Much worse, I not only leave it undefended, but I convince myself that nothing I say will really convince people, besides, they'll probably consider me self-righteous. What a painfully selfish attitude. How I wish that the aching I feel in my heart when someone tells me that raising the minimum wage would increase the standard of living were not a thousand times stronger than the aching I feel when a friend of mine leaves my company yet again without hearing about my Savior.

As a Christian community there are things we need to defend, there are issues that deserve our attention; but there is a group of people out there whom we come into contact with on a daily basis that only hear our issues and our political fervor and miss our loving Redeemer. Maybe this has been harped on ad nauseum, but its truth cannot be overstated. Our priorities must be kept in constant check, and I speak as the worst offender. What kind of a world we would live in if we valued their souls as much as their vote?

Foundational Inspiration

Allow me to elaborate on the reason for my entrance into the "blog scene." It was primarily the influence of two individuals who I highly esteem as two of the greatest thinkers I know. They write on two strikingly different topics, but they are two of the most fascinating areas of humanity: politics and faith. First, Micah Childress, on his website childresschatter.blogspot.com, gives some of the most insightful conservative commentary on current world issues and US politics that I have read. I highly advise anyone seeking a thoughtful and well composed synopsis of the conservative platform to review Micah's work. He discusses point by point almost every relevant issue facing our nation today, a clear description of the conservative position, as well as a reaction to liberal policy concerning that issue. I respect what he has done a great deal and have benefited greatly from his knowledge of history and politics. Secondly, my friend Luke Helm discusses profound spiritual issues on his site lukehelm.blogspot.com. The issues Luke brings up about faith and Christianity are truly life-altering questions that demand serious consideration. He eloquently addresses these questions from a philosophically honest perspective in an effort to remove the Christian bias he has grown up with and rediscover the basic elements of his faith for himself. I have had the priviledge of knowing Luke for about a year now, and never have I read such deeply searching discourse on the spiritual quest for truth. These two are the pillars on which I now stand to hopefully deliver thoughts that are deservant of the same consideration that they duly receive. Thank you, gentlemen, for your brilliance.

Initial Thoughts

I have to be honest, I was exposed to these online journals early in high school and dismissed them as somewhat juvenille and self-absorbed, which is why this site will not be a log of my daily activities and how I felt about them. Why on earth would people want to read about what I did all day or how I felt about it? To be honest, that is one of the main reasons I don't like talking about myself in general: because I am usually not overly interested in hearing about the minute details of other people's moment-by-moment schedule, so why should anyone be overly interested in mine? To be even more honest, this site is more for my benefit than anyone elses. I can't promise anything profound will make it to these pages, nor can I promise that anything at all will make it to these pages on a regular basis. I have seen how some other people have written what is on their minds and hearts, and I decided that I may enjoy a venting vehicle such as this: an outflow of ideas, thoughts, and comments on what is going on around me. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. All I can say is it sounded like a good idea at the time.